A Football Team Is Like A Work Of Art

Last night, I went over to my friends' house to watch the late game...the San Diego Chargers against the New England Patriots.

I decided that the Chargers are my second favorite team, after the Colts. This decision was based on the mere existence of their powder blue uniforms (see previous football post) which are so! friggin! adorable! & the lightning bolts that go down the sides of their pants (awesome). And also, that team is like the GQ of the football world. Usually I cringe when the announcers do the team line-ups & show the "pictures" of the players (it's actually usually the players' heads videotaped...think Harry Potter photos, that's what it's like). Most players aren't...aesthetically pleasing. But might I say, the Chargers have an exceptionally good-looking team.

So: good looks & good uniforms make me like the Chargers.

The Patriots played letter-perfect football last night. They crushed the Chargers, whose quarterback just seemed either totally psyched out or terrified (depending on how nicely you want to put it) the whole game. I have to admit, the Patriots are an amazing team. I think they played the best football I've ever seen last night (not that I've been watching all that long). I mean, Tom Brady was sacked three times. (Which definitely helped me understand why Shawn Merriman, a Chargers defensive player, gets his own commercials, drug scandals or no.) But that was just about the only thing that went wrong for him. He was...practically perfect. The whole team was.

Which got me to thinking: why do I hate the Patriots? Because I do. I hate them almost as much as I hate the Dallas Cowboys. I mean, I've only seen them play three or four games. And they're fantastic. I don't see that they're even stoppable this year, what with Randy Moss & their other acquisitions. But I just don't like them. Are they possibly too perfect for me? Are they just too good for me to do anything but admire their abilities? Like robots?

Maybe. I also think Tom Brady is an ass. I know a lot of people think Peyton Manning is a douchebag, but you know what? Manning is out there like opening children's hospitals & shit. Brady is out there knocking up supermodels, then dumping them for younger not-pregnant supermodels. It's like the whole Mary-Louise Parker/Billy Crudup/Claire Danes thing. I just can't respect that shit.

And I guess the Colts & the Patriots are kind of rivals.

But the thought occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, football teams are like works of art. Some you respond to. Some you don't. There are certainly nameable reasons for this, but push comes to shove, it's an emotional response more than anything else. The Patriots are kind of like Andy Warhol to me - not inspiring. Not creative. Lacking in certain innate human qualities. Sometimes technical perfection is perfectly boring. I mean, probably you don't want a Jackson Pollack team or anything. But flawless renderings can just be so dull.