Post the Picture Already, Jerkface!

All right, so my computer illiteracy prevents me from figuring out why my purloined picture will not post. The obvious answer? Just purloin some more pictures! Sadly, neither of these are from the show I saw at the Crystal Ballroom (which, for the record, is a pretty fantastic venue & comes complete with a spring-loaded dance floor (so when people get all excited & jump up down all around, the dance floor jumps with them)). And though the pics are good, they still don't do justice to Girl Doll.

Be Still My Heart

Hotness is relative. For instance, this past weekend I saw three bands, two in Seattle & one in Portland, all with strong feminine presences (i.e., hot chicks). CSS is all girls. Except for the drummer, but I forgive his testosterone in light of his utterly fantastic mustache. Really, it's a mustachio. Anyway, they rock. I saw them in Baltimore a few months ago & it was good, but this was better. Makes sense. First album, first tour, getting accustomed to playing live, etc. My complaints remain the same - "CSS Suxxx", well, sucks, as does the album version of "Art Bitch", which is the version they play live. BUT, otherwise they were super-awesome. Back to the point - my friends & I saw the girls hanging outside their tour bus in front of the venue prior to the show. They were cute, but something was...lacking. One of us even questioned the wisdom of the lead singer's leopard-print tights. When they got on stage, though, it was another story. They were HOT. They ROCKED. We danced our asses off, which is more than I can say for the majority of people in attendance. Um, hipsters can suck it. Seriously, if you're just gonna stand there with folded arms, why did you even bother leaving the house? Whatever - I had a great time.

CSS opened for Ladytron. They are a foursome with 2 guys & 2 girls. Like CSS, they rocked, only in a more Euro-aloof way. Also like CSS, the girls were hot (& there was a mustachio involved on one of the dudes). (And of course, nobody danced. Christ almighty, fuck-tards, get with it!) Personally I preferred the Bulgarian, which is funny 'cause the Brit chick pretty much had the same hair I have, only all dark-like. The Bulgarian, though, had a bit more Jane Wiedlin to her.

Two days later, I decided to go see the Dresden Dolls in Portland. Am I ever glad I did (thank you, thank you, thank you, Ross)! I'm not going to go into a big diatribe on their music. Let's just say that Girl Doll had a Kurt Weill sticker on her keyboard. And the music, as well as the stage performance itself, is awesome. Anyway, compared to her, the Brazilians were adorable & the Euros were cute. Girl Doll, however, was fucking HOT. I don't know her name. I don't know if I want to know her name, or anything else about the Dolls besides the fact that there are two of them, Girl Doll & Boy Doll. I don't even know if I want to see still photographs. But on the stage, at her keyboard with her My Little Ponys on display, she was the most sexually charged rock star presence I've yet experienced. Good lord! I was glad I'd bought the Dresden Dolls panties at the merch booth, because I hadn't worn any & I should have. She was all hair-of-fire & made up with lots of black eyeliner, wearing some type of black lace hot pants & garters & stockings (a girl after my own heart, there). You could say she was saucy. I'm sure the sexually-charged lyrics didn't hurt my overall impression (sample: "Guess how many fingers/Okay/Guess how many more I can fit there/Guess right & you get the toaster/But you know misguessing gets you nowhere"). As the show went on, she started losing her voice, & even that was hot. I'm in love. Really, there's no way of doing it justice. All I can say is I wish I'd been doing naughty things with her in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer building on Saturday night. Is this what it must have been like to see Mick Jagger on stage in the 60s? Is that why the Rolling Stones can get away with being rubbish now? Whatever. I don't think Mr. Jagger, even his heyday, would have had quite the same effect on me.

(P.S. Okay, her name is Amanda Palmer. The picture, if Blogger ever chooses to actually display it, DOES NOT do her justice. But it is from the show last night. I *heart* Flickr, for the record.)

Wyoming: AKA the End of the World

Wyoming was by far the most amazing state through which I drove on my recent cross-country jaunt. It looks like a sci-fi movie starring Don Johnson, at least the part that I-80 goes through. Alien rock formations, strange plant life...it was the only time in my four days that I actually wanted to stop & tourist it up. My ability to refrain from going to Yellowstone was aided in large part by the persistent howls of my cat, however; luckily, Old Faithful will most likely continue to live up to its name & I can one day journey back. Minus a certain cupcake-brained four-legged mammal.

In addition to appearing so apocalyptic as to inspire the naming of my car (henceforth it is a simple Corolla no more - my other, non-living baby is THE ROAD WARRIOR; it's a more fitting appellation than one might initially be inclined to think, but that is a story for another time), Wyoming was for me the Land of Questions. Such as: what is the Continental Divide, if not merely a cinematic childhood memory from the 80s so obscure that IMDb does not list it (& no, I'm not talking about the one with John Belushi)? Plateaus - why? Wherefore do mountain ranges go up & down (okay, north & south if you want to get all technical) and not left & right? Undoubtedly that's a simple one, but I've always been more a fan of ruminating on questions than establishing concrete answers.

It is with sadness, however, that I confess I was not afforded the opportunity to see the State Mythical Creature of Wyoming - the jackalope. Another time, methinks.