The Maintenance of the Humanoid is Not Cost-Effective

Recently I decided I was going to start taking care of myself, & fuck the cost. By which I mostly mean I decided I was going to go to the dentist & get new glasses. Also get my Oregon driver license. Hey, it's only been a year, right?

So this morning I went to get the license. The secret to the DMV is getting there five minutes before they open. I was #2 in line. To get an ODL, you have to take a written exam (I know, so stupid!). Last night I read the novel-length driver manual to prepare. And I learned some interesting things, actually. The two most relevant ones are:

1) Basically, it is illegal to make a U-turn in Oregon unless there is a sign expressly permitting it. I'm confounded.
2) There are invisible crosswalks! They stretch between the sidewalks at any intersection. Also, there is no such thing as jaywalking in Oregon. The manual just says that if you are
crossing at neither a marked nor unmarked crosswalk, you (the pedestrian) must yield the right of way to oncoming vehicles.

I got a 98%. I also registered to vote. And just made the deadline, since Oregon is a mail ballot-only state. This makes me happy, because as somebody who has no interest in "getting involved" & no discernible political bent beyond the pursuit of my happiness, I always figure that I have an obligation to inform myself of the issues/candidates & vote. As in, it's the least I can do. It marks my contribution to society.

So my (first) dentist appointment was at 11:30. It involved X-rays & a detailed discussion of what needs to happen inside my mouth. Did I ever mention that my least favorite sound in the whole world is the sound of metal scraping against teeth? Apparently, for not having been to the dentist in a long long long time (I'm not telling how long, that's how long) my teeth are in GREAT shape.

And are only going to cost $1,700 to fix.

What? I'm sorry. What? Granted, having the mythical dental insurance beast ensnared means that (hopefully) only about $700 of that is coming out of my pocket. But still. What? And I have to go in twice. My dentist wanted me to make THREE appointments. But I put my foot down on that one. So now in a couple of weeks I go in for my cleaning & to get fillings on the left side, which in keeping with traditional folklore connotations, is the evil side of my mouth. Then a week after that, I get to go in for the fillings on the right side &...bonus!...the extraction of my wisdom teeth. Yessss. Although it seems I have no wisdom teeth in the bottom of my mouth, which strikes me as odd. I've no recollection of ever having them removed. Oh well. (EDIT: After calling my mother last night to bitch about the $700, she not only stole my righteous indignation by telling me that she, my father, & both brothers have each spent WAY MORE at the dentist for things like that, she also told me that I never had any wisdom teeth removed. So apparently I'm just a toothy freak of nature.)

What gets me is, my out-of-pocket cost to get two whole friggin' teeth removed (they call them "erupted teeth" on my cost estimate, which I find disturbing) is $52. Today's X-rays were free. The cleaning is free. Which means that putting crap in my teeth is going to cost...$648? I cry foul.

The "exciting" appointment is my vision exam, which is next week. Look at the place I picked! I picked it for that logo. And its proximity to my apartment. Also, I'd read some good reviews about their frame selection. Which is important, because I've decided that now, for the first time EVER in the history of April, I am going to get whichever frames I want. Not the free ones, unless they're stunning. No insurance discounts considered. I am going in there & I am not looking at the price tag of any pair & I am picking the ones that I like the very best of all. Also, I recently realized that I actually love wearing glasses. So I should love the frames too.

So really, even though spending over $1,000 on myself doesn't thrill me, & the thought of having teeth extracted doesn't either, I feel really, really happy & pleased to actually be taking care of myself. For a change.