"BE ADEQUITE". Please.

Remember a few years ago, when Lindsay Lohan was teh hotness for about five minutes? Wasn't that great? I even had her 2006 calendar. (And, um, if I'd known that I could've sold it in 2008 for $40, I wouldn't have trashed the damned thing when I moved.)


Sigh. I hadn't even made it to March by the time THIS happened:


Um, ew. And a none-more-black darkness spread across the land accompanied by an increasingly distressing series of incidents & pictures. Those creepy knife pics. The passed-out-in-a-car pics. The "no really, officer, there is coke in my pants, but they aren't my pants" story. And so on. Topped off, of course, with the obligatory mugshot:


Just look at that top picture. Now look at the mugshot. I could cry.

But wait! don't give up yet! there's more! A fellow by the name of Bert Stern apparently took some quite famous pictures of Marilyn Monroe shortly before her death. New York magazine recently sang him the sweet siren song of a paycheck in exchange for a "remake" with a contemporary starlet. Illud est, Our Miss Lohan. Now, that whole Monroe patina of myth has always bemused me. I fail to discern the fabulosity. And I find both the original & new flavor of Mr. Stern's pictures drearily jejune. However!


Ladies & gentlemen, the bones are gone & the boobs are back. Hallelujah! Now she just needs to ditch the blond & go back to red, already. And to stop dressing like a coked-out skank. Or even better, to not speak or go out in public for the next year or so, so that websites like this one aren't funny anymore & Defamer can't put together (admittedly hilarious) collages of her non-sober faces.