What's A Girl Like You Doing On A Knight Like This?

Okay, okay, I owe a few post-things. I'll get to them soon, cuddlies, promises! Things have been busy. In the meantime, I simply must say a few words. Seven to be precise.

Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Comedy.

GENIUS. It was made for me! Alice. Musical. 1970s pr0n (real breasts & hair on their ladyparts!). Also, any movie that has a credit reading "Underwater Nude Volleyball Sequences by Jacques Coote" is pretty much guaranteed to be good. Especially if there is not a single underwater nude volleyball sequence in the movie. Played on a double bill with Star Wars according to questionable sources. (The acting in Alice is better, for the record.) Now imagine if we lived in a world where fantastical song-&-dance sex films had won out over sexless preadolescent Wonder Bread space-capades. It's a real shame that this country progressed a bit only to then enter a decades-long slide. We put the puritan back in prurient. Because I cannot imagine any sort of "respectable" distributor releasing this today, but 20th Century Fox put this corker out back in the day.

My intensive research has shown that there are three versions: R, X, & XXX. I understand that this release by Subversive Video has the X & the XXX versions. I cannot figure out which version I watched - there were some rather thorough anatomy lessons that I've not previously encountered in X-rated movies, but I understand the XXX version is pretty seriously hardcore. Whichever version I watched had a few cum shots but nothing that made me ill (they ain't exactly my bag - I'm more Emmanuelle than Splendor in the Ass (although that is my all-time favorite porno title) - softcore porn served with a generous helping of wonky French philosophy is not just up my alley, as it were, it's the alley that's named after me). The disc boasts possibly the crappiest transfer I've ever seen & appears to use a well-worn VHS dub as its source, but it's still totally worth watching if you can find it. (EDIT: I figured out the DVD I watched was not the Subversive Video release but rather from some outfit called Arrow Video. And it is the XXX version. Because I hadn't actually quite finished the entire movie when I wrote this post (guilty!), & near the end there is a random three-ish-minute fuck-tage, which did make me feel a wee bit sick.)

The lead actress, Kristine De Bell, has an engaging on-screen persona & is a convincingly innocent libertine-in-training. For you Meatballs fans out there (I have a soft spot...), she played A.L. in that fine movie. Overall Alice is really quite sweet with some clever moments (Mad Hatter: "Oh, that's not my HAT size..." Hee hee!) & a simple little if-it-feels-good-do-it message.

Plus, the scene & song from which this post's title is derived are freakin' priceless.