28 September 2007

Furniture Madness!

(1) I bought a couch! I bought a couch! It's perfect for my space. Ridiculously perfect. I will take my own pictures of it soon, but in the interim here's one my friend took:


The futon will ultimately go upstairs. I'm thinking I'll put it in the record room & use it as a guest bed.

(2) I have decided the time is nigh. I am tired of talking about getting a real bed. I am going to actually get one. However, I am very torn between these two IKEA options:

Noresund. This is the one which I've always
said I was going to get. I like swirlies. I really like this frame. And it's super-cheap.
BUT, I've recently been lusting after the Hemnes frame, because I think I've secretly always wanted a four poster bed:
Currently I'm leaning toward the Hemnes frame. There is a pro. There are two cons.

Pro: Four poster bed! I am super-excited by the idea of having "curtains" on my bed (don't know the technical term). Also, there is no heat in the main loft space, so I'm thinking that if I get some decently thick but still sexy coverings (including top), it will help keep heat in. Maybe? Am I a crackhead?

Con: Ugh. Light wood. Just not my style, I guess. The bitch is, this frame is stained solid pine with a clear polyester lacquer. Now, I know it's not impossible to repaint or stain it another color. But I also know it'd involve a lot of sanding, priming & painting or staining. Then again, the futon will be up there & that is a similar wood/stain. Could I learn to love light-colored woods?

Con 2: Take away the poster thingies, & that is one boring-ass frame.

Any advice?

26 September 2007

Somewhat Curious

When someone's had a headache for six straight days, what are the possible medical reasons &/or ramifications?

And should I be worried?


If this is all gonna end in some Scanners-type action, that's cool.


I mean, yeah. I'd prefer my head to not explode. But at least it would mean something's gonna happen besides me having this headache for the rest of my life.

Which is getting a little old.

When Research Goes Bad

So my friend Heather & I are booking through Seasons 2 & 3 of "The Office" in an attempt to catch up to Season 4 (no, not by this Thursday. We're gonna have someone Tivo the season premiere for us. Hopefully, though by next Thursday we'll be caught up). I haven't seen Season 1, but I've been told that it's not that great. Season 2 is fucking hilarious, though.

Anyway, the point is, I really like Jim. I think he's appealing. I'd say he's cute. I like sarcasm & self-deprecation, what can I say? So I looked up the actor who plays him, John Krasinski. And I kind of wish I hadn't, for the following reasons:

  1. He's a whole year younger than me! I'm officially old.
  2. When did People magazine go all Afterellen.com on me & actually get something right? I feel dirty. And common.
  3. He wrote & directed a film adaptation of David Foster Wallace's Brief Interviews with Hideous Men. Which I didn't read. Because I thought Wallace's debut, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, was basically a full-length book version of the badly written, thinly disguised autobiographical "fiction" that proliferates every Intro to Short Story Writing class on every college campus in America. Ew, John. Are you really a crybaby wanker?
  4. Um, apparently, yes. At least, judging from the fact that his Wallace adaptation features Mr. Death Cab for Cutie himself in his first acting role. DOUBLE EW. Is it even possible to be more emo than that?
I'm going to work really hard at forgetting that I learned all this stuff. Because I'd like to continue to enjoy my little crush. I hope I've learned a lesson from this.

EDIT: OMG, I've gotten my pretentious Dav-s all mixed up! Whoopsy. Dave Eggers is the man responsible for the awful heartbreak book. David Foster Wallace is the guy who wrote that huge-ass book, Infinite Jest, with the footnotes for days. I thoroughly enjoyed those 30 pages of it I read 10 years ago, & hope to finish it before I'm 80.

EDIT CONT'D: My own idiocy notwithstanding, Mr. Krasinski is still not absolved - Ben Gibbard is in his movie. Even if the Postal Service makes music that I wish I'd had on cassette when I was 12, that doesn't excuse the whole Death Cab thing.

24 September 2007

Something To Believe In

Darren Aronofsky's The Fountain is the worst movie I've seen in quite some time. It is truly, tragically awful. The only thing I can say in its favor is that it's mercifully short (96 minutes).

It makes me sad that it's so terrible. I mean, this picture is pretty awesome:


But the film fails to achieve a balance betwixt its narrative & its magic. It can't decide whether it wants to adhere to a more traditional concept of story, & work its magic within those confines; or whether it wants to stretch its wings & take flight into a realm of pure imagination. The end result is that it fails to do either, & images that had the potential to be powerfully moving are instead giggle-inducing (like the one above).

I admire its refusal to explain itself in the beginning; it doesn't tell you why Tommy (Hugh Jackman) is both battling Mayans & meditating inside gold sparkles. But it does attempt to present a story in the present; that Tommy is some sort of brain tumor researcher whose wife, Izzy, just happens to be dying from a brain tumor. Izzy is played by Rachel Weisz, an actress I've never seen in a film before. Unfortunately, Aronofsky (her real-life partner) gives her precious little to do except smile luminously as she accepts her imminent death, so I have no idea whether she's any good or not.

The root of the film's problem is that it demands you merely accept Tommy & Izzy's love unquestioningly, but gives you no indication that it actually exists, other than present-day Tommy being totally obsessed with "saving" his wife. I didn't believe in their love, & I was upset that the film just expected me to believe it. The film is too head in the clouds to allow you to accept narrative conventions that would be easy to believe in a better told story (for example, I also watched Carol Reed's The Third Man this weekend, a walloping good yarn that was so expertly constructed I willingly forgave its lapses of logic).

On the other hand, the film also wants you to accept its magic. But it's too grounded in narrative to let the viewer's imagination have room to take flight. So it's just kind of gross when shaved-head-futuristic Tommy breaths on the dying tree he is insisting on saving, pretty much makes out with it, & then eats pieces of it. The film explains too much to allow the viewer to think.

It's disappointing that The Fountain is so singularly awful; I truly admire its intent. And it is a very unique construction within the realm of contemporary cinema, which is always cause for celebration. Darren Aronofsky is a extremely talented filmmaker, & I deeply admire his work (Pi; Requiem for a Dream). It's just that the film itself isn't any good.

19 September 2007

M.I.A.'s New Album

So apparently M.I.A.'s latest effort, Kala, is "critically acclaimed". I don't know for sure, as I've got better things to do than read music reviews. Like read film reviews. And lick the bones of the internets looking for nuggets of writing on Bad Timing. (Heh. I'm obsessed with a film about obsession. How very meta.)

I've only listened to it one & a half times, so obviously I can't reach a final verdict. But so far? My reaction has been, "Meh". As in, it's not really grabbing me. Whatever. I mean, I'm not one of those people whose dismissal of a "hot" "new" "artist's" sophomore effort can be considered de rigeur. But this just ain't doing it for me.

I actually wanted to turn it off halfway through so I could play the new Go! Team instead.

I actually did turn it off during the final track, which seemed particularly awful. This morning, I figured I'd listen to it on my commute. Maybe it just wasn't a good soundtrack for running around the house preparing for the imminent doubling of my household (plus a bunny).

But it didn't really go any better on the way in. Except that one of the few songs I did like right off the bat, "Jimmy", sounded more gimmicky than good. And then, see, I just got the new Felix Da Housecat album, with its luxuriantly ridiculous title Virgo Blaktro & the Movie Disco. Sorry, M.I.A. I may be slightly frightened of ruining Felix's album title by listening to it, but you know what? In the Virgo Blaktro vs. Kala debate, the latter loses. It's going straight back into its case. Felix is taking me home.

17 September 2007

A Football Team Is Like A Work Of Art

Last night, I went over to my friends' house to watch the late game...the San Diego Chargers against the New England Patriots.

I decided that the Chargers are my second favorite team, after the Colts. This decision was based on the mere existence of their powder blue uniforms (see previous football post) which are so! friggin! adorable! & the lightning bolts that go down the sides of their pants (awesome). And also, that team is like the GQ of the football world. Usually I cringe when the announcers do the team line-ups & show the "pictures" of the players (it's actually usually the players' heads videotaped...think Harry Potter photos, that's what it's like). Most players aren't...aesthetically pleasing. But might I say, the Chargers have an exceptionally good-looking team.

So: good looks & good uniforms make me like the Chargers.

The Patriots played letter-perfect football last night. They crushed the Chargers, whose quarterback just seemed either totally psyched out or terrified (depending on how nicely you want to put it) the whole game. I have to admit, the Patriots are an amazing team. I think they played the best football I've ever seen last night (not that I've been watching all that long). I mean, Tom Brady was sacked three times. (Which definitely helped me understand why Shawn Merriman, a Chargers defensive player, gets his own commercials, drug scandals or no.) But that was just about the only thing that went wrong for him. He was...practically perfect. The whole team was.

Which got me to thinking: why do I hate the Patriots? Because I do. I hate them almost as much as I hate the Dallas Cowboys. I mean, I've only seen them play three or four games. And they're fantastic. I don't see that they're even stoppable this year, what with Randy Moss & their other acquisitions. But I just don't like them. Are they possibly too perfect for me? Are they just too good for me to do anything but admire their abilities? Like robots?

Maybe. I also think Tom Brady is an ass. I know a lot of people think Peyton Manning is a douchebag, but you know what? Manning is out there like opening children's hospitals & shit. Brady is out there knocking up supermodels, then dumping them for younger not-pregnant supermodels. It's like the whole Mary-Louise Parker/Billy Crudup/Claire Danes thing. I just can't respect that shit.

And I guess the Colts & the Patriots are kind of rivals.

But the thought occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, football teams are like works of art. Some you respond to. Some you don't. There are certainly nameable reasons for this, but push comes to shove, it's an emotional response more than anything else. The Patriots are kind of like Andy Warhol to me - not inspiring. Not creative. Lacking in certain innate human qualities. Sometimes technical perfection is perfectly boring. I mean, probably you don't want a Jackson Pollack team or anything. But flawless renderings can just be so dull.

14 September 2007

A Sick Film Made By Sick People For Sick People

This post's title references an (in)famous remark made by one of the executives of the production company responsible for financing Nicolas Roeg's Bad Timing. And Harvey Keitel don't even get nekkid in this one!

This film had a rather astounding impact on me.

One review I read claims that "
Bad Timing tells an extremely simplistic story". Sure, if it were a movie about a psychoanalyst who met a pretty young thing & had an affair with her, & then the pretty young thing ended up in the ER, I would consider the story simplistic. But...that's not the story. That's more or less the "Once upon a time" part of the story. The subtitle of the film at the time of its release was "A Sensual Obsession". That's the story. That's the plot. That's what happens. The film focuses less on standard plot machinations & chooses to make its story the repercussions of obsession.

And the film explores at extraordinary length an inherent factor in any romantic relationship - the desire to make somebody be who you really (secretly) want them to be. As Alex Linden (Art Garfunkel) theorizes when he & Milena (Theresa Russell) view Klimt's "The Kiss", the reason for the lovers' apparent passion & joy is because "they don't know each other that well yet" - meaning Klimt's subjects haven't discovered what would make the other perfect, hence they can still maintain the illusion of perfect happiness with each other. The original title of the film was, in fact, Illusions. Indeed, one of the film's first lines sums everything up - encountering each other at a party for the first time, Alex & Milena speak briefly. Alex says, "Why spoil the mystery? If we don't meet, there's always the possibility it could have been perfect," before confessing that he's not sure what that means.

Roeg acknowledges that nobody is immune from that sickness peculiar to relationships. Everybody wants to change something about their lover, & it's the question of whether you can ultimately accept that you can't accomplish this that often determines the longevity, & conclusion, of your relationship. The film offers a series of mirrors in a range of reflectiveness - Alex & Det. Netusil (Harvey Keitel, whose performance may or may not have been good; I spent every moment of his screen time trying to discern whether he was playing an Austrian or an American detective); Alex & Stephen (Denholm Elliott), Milena's Czech husband. The starkest mirror, the most absolute in terms of respecting the natural contrariness of the "mirror image", is betwixt Alex & Milena. When he laments that Milena will never change, she points out that "If you weren't who you are, I wouldn't have to". It's one of the most telling lines in the film, for it emphasizes that insofar as Alex wishes to tame the spirited Milena, Milena herself wishes that Alex would change. So the wild free-spirit is not immune to the sickness of wanting to mold somebody.

Subtlety is not a characteristic of Nicolas Roeg's. Although he never quite crosses over into Ken Russell territory, the filmic techniques that no doubt were fresh & new in the 1970s often seem a bit dated now. I think particularly of the cross-cutting employed in Walkabout to contrast the barbarianism of the modern world with the civility of the natural (Aboriginal) world. It's a bit obvious & overly dramatic. However, Roeg employed the same sort of labyrinthine structure in many of his films - the cross-cutting, the non-linearity. Bad Timing in a way reminds me of Atom Egoyan's magnificent The Sweet Hereafter, in that each film maker achieves the zenith of the labyrinthine structure (I would argue that Egoyan's style is a bit more akin to those Russian dolls (where each one reveals another) than Roeg's maze-like editing) in which they excel. To be somewhat more succinct, Bad Timing & The Sweet Hereafter are the pinnacle of each maker's distinctive style, in which technique & subject matter coalesce & commingle to masterful effect.

As for the actors, Theresa Russell is simply wonderful. It's difficult to believe she was twenty two when this was made. She has a unique quality, a definite beauty, but not in the cookie-cutter mode of, say, Jessica Alba. In fact, trying to imagine any contemporary young actress achieving what Russell did is well-nigh impossible. The few reviews that one can find online tend to carp on Garfunkel's wooden acting style, as though it were a fault of the film. I, on the other hand, thought it was, if not fully intentional, still rather effective. Because it helps obfuscate what otherwise might be as painfully obvious as those scenes in Walkabout - it keeps the viewer from guessing right away the lengths to which Alex's character is capable of going. What his "angle" is. How, exactly, Milena got to where she is at the film's beginning & what, if any, role Alex played in it. When the characters say they love each other, it's impossible to believe, because by that point all you see is their obsession with each other, & with each other's flaws. Is that a fault of the acting? If so, then it's an excellent fault.

The Criterion DVD release of Bad Timing marked the film's very first time on video. Twenty four years after it first came out. I expect the critical backlash was quite strong at the time of its release (
frankly, I literally have a very hard time believing this film was ever made at all, which is a sad commentary on the current state of cinema), & I can't imagine a lot of people went to see it in the theater, but apparently the main point of contention barring a video release was the film's soundtrack. I'm not surprised - the soundtrack features Tom Waits, Keith Jarrett (the Koln Concert, no less), Billie Holiday & the Who, amongst others. (Roeg actually tells a funny story in the DVD extras about how Jarrett's music came to be used in the film.) Luckily, the good folks at Criterion managed to rescue this film from oblivion.


I say luckily, & I mean it. It makes me indescribably happy that this film exists. But at the same time, I found the experience of watching it unsettling in the extreme. Extraordinarily disturbing. In fact, I found it more disturbing than David Cronenberg's Videodrome, which heretofore was kind of my epitome of disturbing cinema. After the film, I had to go to my video store. The experience was no less unsettling than the film. I literally couldn't make eye contact with people. I wanted to be nowhere near them & I was terrified that one would try to talk to me. The overheard & kindly put suggestion of a boyfriend to his girlfriend that she take some ibuprofen was met with disdain by the woman, who coldly said "I'm going to deal with it on my own. Why are you being such an asshole?" On the surface afforded to me, of course, it seemed that the woman was the asshole. But who's to say? Did they even understand the mechanisms of their relationship?

The ultimate mirror of the film is the film itself, for it is the mirror which Roeg wields at the audience. Said Roeg later of the film:

"I made a film called Bad Timing that I thought everybody would respond to. It was about obsessive love and physical obsession. I thought this must touch everyone, from university dons down. But it had a curious effect on people..."

Across the Universe

I've never been a especially big fan of the Beatles (I come down on the side of the Stones). And I've yet to successfully sit down & watch an entire film by Julie Taymor (though I thoroughly enjoyed the bits of Titus that I saw).

However. My love of musicals is no secret. Well, not modern cinema's equivalent of such, which I generally find obnoxious & lacking the whimsy essential to any musical, however dour, dark or bleak its denouement (Chicago is the best of the revival). Give me Busby! Give me The Umbrellas of Cherbourg! Give me My Fair Lad
y!

So, my *heart*-ing of musicals in tandem with my absolute passion for pretty pictures, makes me very intrigued about Across the Universe, Ms. Taymor's musical set in the 1960s, soundtracked exclusively by the Beatles catalog. I mean, really:



Such promise. These pictures are so awesome I'm almost afraid to see the actual film.

12 September 2007

Nasty Political Radio

For years I was tormented by NPR. Its demonic intrusions into my life were long, ongoing & utterly irritating. I mean, I hate NPR. Okay, so I know that really it isn't NPR that I hate so much as the situations in which I was forced to listen to it. The simple fact is, I am not political. Which apparently marks me as something of a rare bird amongst my acquaintances. The times during which my ears were sullied with NPR, certain of my fellow listeners were politically-minded, & frequently had a sort of tunnel vision to go along with the political platitudes. There is nothing that drives me crazier.

So I must admit I'm thoroughly baffled by the fact that, on my morning commute, I (1) decided I wanted to hear NPR & (2) actively sought out the local station that would be airing it. True to form, I recoiled at the familiar strains of the morning music, but then I kept listening.

My reactions to this morning's broadcast are as follows:

  • It seems the Pittsburgh Steelers have a lot of female fans. The announcer mentioned pink jerseys. If that's the case, thought I, well shit, I'm going to become a Steelers fan. Alas, a quick Google search revealed that the players don't actually wear pink jerseys - they are just sold as merchandise, designed to appeal to women. Oh well. I think the Chargers have the prettiest uniforms - the powder blue & gold? Mmm hmm. Too bad they're "throwback" uniforms. Whatever that means.
  • Iraq. Oh, Iraq. I know it's a bit ostrich of me to not know much about what's going on. But I've always thought the whole gambit was incredibly stupid. I have little patience for or interest in things I find incredibly stupid, for better or worse.
  • Why the hell do people live where hurricanes & other natural disasters not only occur, but are par for the course? I know it's mean but I can't help thinking that they fully deserve whatever travesties befall them. "Oh honey, I've got a great idea - let's move to the heart of hurricane country! Sure, our house may have its roof ripped off. Sure, we may get a bunch of flooding. Sure, our insurance will be expensive as fuck & not actually cover most of the hazards. Let's do it anyway!" Retards. Maybe it's nature's way of winnowing?
  • Oregon rocks! Sorry. I always took a bunch of pride in things Oregonian while growing up. We just didn't figure all that much into the national scheme of things most of the time. I was super-proud that Tonya Harding was from Portland. (And I took a bit of malicious glee when the trailer trash tart beat up the New England Vera Wang-clad princess. I admit it!) This time apparently Nancy Pelosi (who is the speaker of the House & therefore presumably a Democrat, though I know nothing else) was in town talking about energy stuff. And she was just raving about Oregon's energy policies. How awesome we are. I don't know. I think it's cool that other people think Portland is cool. Because Portland is cool. As is Oregon in general. The New York Times has, like, a huge Portland-centric hard-on. (Last month, it was PDX's friggin' tea scene. This month it's Stumptown Coffee. And about once or twice a month for the past year they've had an article on Portland.) The BBC did a segment on our public transportation ("The City Where the Car is not King"). It's nice, particularly since I so recently came around to Oregon. I don't regret living on the lesser coast for 10 years, because it allowed me to fully realize & appreciate how much I love the West Coast, & how much better it is for me. Now I'm only in danger of becoming a complete snobby jackass about it. Oh, wait. Shit. I kind of already am.

So anyway, I recently turned five. Er, I mean, twenty-nine. I've already had the "WHAT?" conversational experiences. I slept all last weekend (naps, even!) to recover from my previous several weeks of severe activity & lack of sleep.

My question is:
Is this another thing that happens when you get old? You wake up in the morning & crave National Public Radio?

If so, I've gone from graceful acceptance to sheer terror about this whole aging thing. I knit. I have cats. I take multiple medications. What could possibly be next?

10 September 2007

Stop the Madness!

Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull???

Why do I smell George Lucas, Mr. Attack of the Clo(w)nes himself, behind this title?

Not that the titles of the previous three installments are by any means low-key, but sheesh. This is downright silly. In a Springtime for Hitler kind of way. Which I don't think is intentional.

07 September 2007

Prologue: Like Sands Through The Playa...

I went to Burning Man. There is much to be said. Unfortunately, I cannot do it justice at the present moment. More to follow when I have time.

There is a part of me, however, which feels all one really need know to understand everything is that one of the very first things I saw upon my arrival in Black Rock City was a roller disco. For real. And that my immediate thought upon seeing it was, god I hope I'm camped close to it.


My camp was directly across from it.

I got to listen to bumpin' disco tunes & watch sparkly people roller skate anytime I wanted. All day. All night.

It was amazing.


And anything the roller disco synchronicity doesn't adequately convey, this picture ought to cover:


Fabulous. I'm so shiny! More to come...

06 September 2007

All Autumnal

FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL STARTS TODAY! FFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTBALL!

I'm excited. My team is playing the New Orleans Saints. God, how I've missed Marvin Harrison's mustache.

EDIT: Here's what I'd learned by the conclusion of last night's game:

  1. My secret fears that I might have stopped liking football in the off-season were unfounded. I'm as loud & belligerent as ever. Last night in particular involved a whole lotta yelling about "ass-munchers". In fact, I found myself contemplating whether I shouldn't try to get some channels on my TV at home so I can watch more games. (So not doing it, though.)
  2. Enormous Superbowl ring effigies are TOTALLY lame.
  3. John Mellencamp is scary-looking! And I can't believe he's still singing that small town song.
  4. I think Tony Dungy saw a dermatologist during the break. Also, I was surprised that they only mentioned the fact that he's the first black coach to win the Superbowl like once the whole night.
  5. "He's a tight end in name only - he can really flex his muscles." Heh. Oh, John Madden, how could I forget that you are a wondrous source of unwittingly dirty bon mots?
  6. Dude! The Colts' defense wasn't a post-season fluke! They ROCKED. Sadly, though I egged him on the whole game, Dwight Freeney never quite managed to "officially" sack Drew Brees, the New Orleans QB. (I know. I'm evil for rooting against the Saints. A downtrodden & devastated city's sole source of hope, etc. But I really just wanted to see a sack, & obviously I couldn't yell for the Saints to sack Manning.)
  7. I forgot a lot of technical stuff. Like what a "blitz" is. Or what a "left tackle" does, though I remember that it's a really important position. At least my fondness for the concept of "special teams" continues unabated. Also, I still can't manage to watch the entire field; my eyes will always just follow the ball, so I miss all the cool stuff that the other guys do, unless the announcers do a replay & describe what happened.
  8. But other than that, I discovered that I could easily be an announcer. They pretty much said all the same stuff I was saying (i.e., that the Colts' defense got appreciably better once Bob Sanders recovered from last year's regular season-killing injury. That it's really scary to have Joseph Addai as their only "real" RB.) Stealing my lines, the filthy bastards.
  9. Sometimes I don't like that I have a "team". I get way too involved, not to a dangerous extent - I mean, it's not gonna ruin my whole day if the Colts lose - but still.
  10. I know now what it feels like to piss girls off because I wanna watch the game.
  11. Marvin's still got the mustache. I think I might die a little inside if he ever shaved it off.

28 August 2007

Feminine Hygiene?

It's always kind of bothered me that, in stores with a pharmacy section, condoms are always kept on the same shelving unit as, say, Summer's Eve. Usually across the aisle from the tampons & sanitary napkins. In the girl section. On the shelves that remind us that we took the first bite of the apple. That hint that our ladyparts are somehow unclean unless the chemical scent of "Shower Fresh" wafts from them.

With regard to condoms, by sole virtue of placement, basically department stores & pharmacies are saying, "Hey girls, that's your responsibility". How many guys really want to go hang out amidst yeast infection medications to debate the virtues of plain ol' rubbers vs. the four-variety Pleasure Pack? (I know, I know, not all guys have issues with picking up a box of tampons for their girlfriend...but a lot do.) No, it's up to the girls to prevent the spread of veneral disease, if Wal-Mart gets their way.

Which, I'm sorry, but why? Call me crazy, but I always thought that, push come to shove, it's a dude's duty to sheath his pork sword. I take the pills; you get the rubbers. I mean, obviously, it's good to have some on hand. I guess that, really, it should be the equal responsibility of the involved parties. But damn, pharmacies don't really help out much on that whole "equality" front.

The icing on the cake (or perhaps the lube on the rubber?) is that when I rang up the box of condoms on the U-Scan, it registered on the screen & receipt as "feminine hygiene".

Indeed.

27 August 2007

You're Going To Have To Lose That Leg, Son

About six or seven weeks ago I drew a conclusion which led to a decision. The process was rather akin to a doctor's decision to amputate a gangrenous leg - at least, as I imagine it. It's all very Gone with the Wind in my mind. (A couple of weeks after that, I had the correctness of both conclusion & decision unequivocally confirmed, but that's a whole 'nother bowl of beans.)

The strange part is, after losing the leg, I feel like the doctor bestowed laser-shooting nipples on me as recompense. Everything in my life has suddenly become fantastic. And I've been really, really happy. Not to mention, I've had the greatest idea EVER (well, okay...Trish, we can be tied for first. Oh, BTW, just to validate my fabulous id
ea - as if it needed validation - according to an 8 August post on my beloved Portland food blog, "This just in, Oregon Cheeses won over 22 awards at the annual American Cheese Society Conference held last week in Burlington, Vermont, including 7 first place prizes in various categories. Woo-Hoo!" Dude, I'm so right on here).

Anyway. My world has gone totally butt-crazy D.I.S.C.O. on me. Even though nothing truly substantive has changed in my day-to-day, it's like that one choice has freed me to really enjoy life for the first time in well over a year. Although a cynic might say that this is because I've rather wantonly spent hundreds of dollars in the past weeks buying fabulous useless things for myself, & living in the pursuit of such is bound to make one momentarily happier, I am not that cynic. And random wonderful things just keep happening.

For instance: on Saturday, my folks & brother came up to tak
e me out to a (belated) birthday lunch. My birthday, my choice. I picked a Mexican joint in NE PDX called Autentica. Why? Well, to be frank, because I've never really actually been to NE Portland, save to sate a long-ago Saturday's hungover craving for a po' boy. I'm a bit embarrassed, but the reason is that the part of NE I want to go to is about four whole miles from my apartment. A bit too far to walk unless I'm totally juice. I don't know which buses run there. And I hate driving.

Anyway, so I used my lunch as an excuse to go to Northeast. I'll be brief, but it was fucking excellent. Delicious. Tasty. Pleasant. Everybody was happy, except maybe my father. The margarita was a wee bit light on tequila, & the service was, erm, "relaxed". But the food was amazing. I got the pollo en consome rojo (chicken in a dried chili broth) & a sope con chorizo, crema y queso (hand-made tortilla with chorizo, cream & cheese). I definitely want to go back for dinner - their dinner menu looked even more astounding. Mmmm....

Afterward, I suggested a brief jaunt about the neighborhood. My father, brother & I strode off. I espied a vintage store that was kitty corner to Autentica & decided to stop in. (The store had some pretty awesome furniture, decently priced...like a huge art deco armoire for $600...I need to go back.) Whilst exploring the store, I saw these boots...these fantastic faux leopard-skin boots. Usually, when you see th
ose things, they're always in a size 6. But these fit! And beautifully! And they looked brand-new! And they were only $12!

Clearly, those boots were my very destiny. That's why I insisted on Northeast. That's why I wanted to stroll about after lunch.


So it's stuff like that, which just seems to keep happening. It's like all this shiny, sparkling, flashing stuff is falling into my life - the best birthday EVER, Dirty Dancing at the Laurelhurst, Heather moving to Portland, Misty deciding to come to Burning Man (& also me going to BM in the first place!), the full-length faux fur coat from the 70s, the disco bar, shiny gold dresses, black halter dresses with sparkly gold spots, red snakeskin stockings, shiny dining room chairs, amazing ideas...the list, seriously, goes on. Hey, I'm not complaining. Look:


I'm just so happy to be happy. It's been too long! Cheers to draining the festering sores out of life.

23 August 2007

Disco Bar!



Was ever a piece of furniture more perfectly suited for yours truly? The pictures don't do the flashing lights justice at all, but so it goes. You get the idea.

I absolutely adore this thing. Perhaps one day I will actually use it as a bar, but right now it's the most excellent stereo stand ever. It's like having a disco fireplace.

It makes me very happy.

16 August 2007

Tres Exciting!

OMG!!!! I am about to have the best birthday ever! Seriously, with the possible exception of that one birthday in 2002, which was rather too naughty to bear repeating in a pseudo-public forum, I can't imagine how this weekend could fail to be super-fantastic.

I'm as excited as a five-year-old. Actually, I think I may wet my pants. Oh, wait. Certain wardrobe choices have rendered that rather impossible.

14 August 2007

Battlestar Galactica

Recently I've been watching the Sci-Fi Channel series "Battlestar Galactica". People's reactions to this show have surprised me - for instance, when I rented the first couple of discs from my video store, the clerks warned me that it would become my new heroin. (Confession: I was spared the shame of walking up to the counter with the final season of "The O.C." only because it was already rented. I suspect that selection would not have garnered such an enthusiastic response.)

And so, I suppose it has. Become my new heroin. Because while it's totally addictive, it also makes me feel kind of dirty & gross. Far be it from me, who has to avoid a veritable minefield of information on the not-yet-on-DVD Season 3 in order to glean any kernels of knowledge on the first two seasons of the show, to indulge in spoilers, but...I cannot resist airing a few grievances & handing out a few compliments. I WILL NOT GIVE AWAY PLOT POINTS.


1) Edward James Olmos is AWESOME.

2) Sharon "Boomer" Valerii (played by Grace Park) is HOT, & an extremely interesting character as well.

3) Most of the other characters are annoying as hell. In fact, I can't even make a list of annoying characters, because that would mean naming almost all of them, & I don't have time to look up those spellings.

4) But the show itself is still captivating. The interpersonal relations, the shifting dynamics, the tension, the action...good stuff.

5) Except that a lot of the time I feel like my chain's being jerked. It's like a pseudo-serial, where they drop tantalizing bits of plot before you, then just leave you hanging. (Sometimes I feel like I want it to be more like "Lost", where mystery abounds but you can trust that it's probably actually going somewhere.)

6) Which makes me very hopeful that eventually everything will tie together. Apparently the deal is, they've got a TV movie & then Season 4, & then that's it.

7) But somehow I doubt it. The show seems to often have an "issue-of-the-week" mentality.

8) Considering the sand-buried heads of most popular entertainment, however, this is refreshing, if frequently overwrought. A show that actually considers the consequences, & dare I say, ethics of torture, as opposed to "24", which merely revels in its own pointless brutality.

9) Though it's hard to care when the humans are, by & large, such buttheads.

10) Luckily, the Cylons are endlessly fascinating & I'm entirely curious to see what their deal is.

11) However, that just takes us full circle back to the possibility my chain is being jerked & these rampant speculations in which I've indulged will never see the light of payoff.

12) Then again, who knows? There's two seasons & a movie to go.

So, would I recommend "Battlestar Galactica"? Hell yeah. Do I feel like my expectations & hopes stand a good chance of ultimately being solidly crushed? Hell yeah.

13 August 2007

I'm A Capitalist, Baby. I Work For My Living, Not Suck Off Of Someone Else.


Hee hee! Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is the work that gives me respect for Roger Ebert, who wrote its screenplay. Who knew that Mr. Ebert was capable of penning lines such as "You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance"?

In fact, I'm utterly torn as to which is the better film, Valley of the Dolls or Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. How can you choose between the former's "You know how bitchy fags can be" & the latter's "This is my happening & it freaks me out"? Or the first film's "'Neely, you know you shouldn't take liquor with those pills'. 'They work faster.'", & the second's "You're a groovy boy. I'd like to strap you on sometime."

You cannot. Both are brilliant. Both demand to be seen.

If I had one complaint, in fact, it is that Beyond doesn't have enough sex. It's all implied. This was my first Russ Meyer film! I thought there would be, y'know, some freakin' sex! Apparently, though, he was actually trying for an R rating, so he shot lots of scenes for both R & X versions. It got an X anyway, but the studio insisted on rushing the film into theaters before he could re-edit the X-rated "R" version to add the actual X-rated scenes. Bummer.

Anyway. These movies RULE.

07 August 2007

Bear With Me Here

My left ankle is in pain from when I slipped down a couple stairs on Sunday.

My knee still hurts from when I fell last week on my way to the airport (note: slide-on platform wedge shoes + heavy duffel bag = BAD IDEA, people!).

My legs ache from the Sunday hours I spent crouched over the loft's built-in furniture, painting it. And I mean ache. I can barely walk (note: leg pain + high-heeled sandals = bad idea).

The cut on my finger looks like it's bleeding through the tape & bandages, but since I'm not supposed to touch it until tomorrow or Thursday, I'll just have to wonder. I banged it on my cubicle door not five minutes ago, which felt simply spectacular.

My left arm is stiff & sore & hurts like hell from the tetanus shot.

My neck has been a place of pain for several days now, as I keep falling asleep in terrible positions.

I left my Vicodin at home because I'm not supposed to take it at work, & tho' my office's first aid supply cabinet is chock full of Advil, Alleve, & Tylenol, not a single helping of ibuprofen is contained therein, let alone the 800 mg the doctor recommended.

My entire body feels like it has been folded & stuffed into an envelope of pain.

Shit, I even finished my book last night, so I'm fresh out of fun easy reading.

I find myself loathe to leave work early, as I've got a 20-hour CIC class starting tomorrow, plus I'm taking simply scads of days off (aka "PTO") this month already. But really I just want to go to my video store, rent some crappy TV or some old Hepburn-Tracy movies & sit on my futon knitting.

Um, also? It's friggin' August. And it's REALLY COLD outside. Okay, it's really 62 degrees & I know it will warm up to the 70s. But it's gray & cloudy & drizzling. NOT FAIR. It's summer! That five-month span in which we know no rain, only sunshine & blue skies! Bastards.

I may have said it before, & I'll likely say it again, but - life is pain, princess.

On the other hand, I'm wearing one of the five dresses I've purchased in the last month. Yeah, that's right - I've magically found five dresses that flatter me & were on sale in a mere FOUR WEEKS. Plus I bought really cute sandals whose cork wedge heels are loaded with GOLD SPARKLES (bonus: they are actually almost comfortable!).

So it's not all bad.

EDIT: Uncle, uncle! I give up! I think the shot has exacerbated my other pre-existing pains. It hurts to move. Futon. Drugs. Visual entertainment of an amusing kind. Sleep. Yes...the Land of Happily Stationary beckons. (For the record, it annoys me to no end that "stationary" means still while "stationery" means paper. Am I the only person who thinks that paper should be stationary-with-an-a? And that still makes way more sense as stationery-with-an-e? Sigh. Probably.)

06 August 2007

You've Got A Vicious Streak For Someone So Young

All right, so I'm not all that young. But I do possess a vicious streak of which I was once wholly unaware. I'm not proud of it, but neither am I shamed by it, & it does not seem to unleash itself without cause. We'll forgo specifics.

Karma, however, apparently thought I went a little too far. On Sunday, I was making bread. A batch of plain white bread & a loaf of cheddar bread, more or less scheduled to follow each other into the oven. I have not baked in oh! ever so long, but I've got a camping trip coming up & am indulging in a baking binge.

Anyway, the white bread was rising in my pantry in a big glass Pyrex bowl (it was a cool day but my pantry attains the desired 75 to 80 degree temperature at which bread should ideally rise). I carried the cheddar dough over, also in a big glass Pyrex bowl. I thought, hmm, I really should put down this bowl before moving the other. Then, like a big dumb stupid thing, I failed to do that & decided to move both bowls at once. Long story short, I lost the cheddar bread & one of the big bowls, & gained a nice deep slash on my left hand index finger just below the knuckle, which proceeded to bleed profusely. I called my parents to figure out whether it required stitches (the last time I had a cut that deep, I was 14) & decided not to sweat it. Eventually the bleeding stopped (actually, it more slowed than stopped) & the gash really didn't hurt that badly. Then I decided to go buy a gallon of Ralph Lauren Capri Pink & paint until one in the morning. Fantastic idea. I woke up this morning & couldn't even use the damn finger. (The surviving bread turned out beautifully, by the way.)

Longer story short, I went to an immediate care clinic a couple of hours ago. No nerve or tendon damage, just a bad bleeding cut in an unfortunate place. The doctor taped it up, & now I have this lovely splint on my finger. Which still hurts, only now my finger is utterly pointless. I get to wear it for five fun-filled days! And I can't get it wet! AWESOME. Also, since I believe I was about 10 years old the last time I had a tetanus shot, I got one of those too. Which they tell me will start hurting tomorrow. Oh yeah.

On the other hand, karma did see fit to provide me with prescription narcotics as a result of my pain. Lose some, win some. I'm totally going to dope myself into oblivion tonight & watch Performance, which is summat like Ingmar Bergman's Persona on acid, if I recollect correctly. Starring Mick Jagger. The film was completed in 1968, but the producing studio, Warner Brothers, expected the Rolling Stones version of A Hard Day's Night (which, erm, Performance is decidedly not) & were so pissed off that they didn't release it until 1970. I believe they also attempted to sue the film's makers, Nicolas Roeg & Donald Cammell. The poster's tagline: "This film is about madness. And sanity. Fantasy. And reality. Death. And life. Vice. And Versa." Indeed.