Question

Mr. Pedestrian Symbol, I can overlook the lack of hands & feet, but...WHY NO NECK?

Jumping The Shark

So, my hair has been pretty much the same for six years. At least as far as length goes - I've worn it straight, curly (my hair is the follicular equivalent of ambidextrous), blond, brown & a brief ill-advised auburn. The bangs were added for a Halloween costume in, I think, '04 & I decided to keep them, even though my then-boss told me I looked like Donna Reed. I could never figure out if he meant that in a good way or a bad hausfrau way, but I was pleased with 'em in any case.

Regardless, my first inkling that perhaps it was time to say goodbye to the predominant hairstyle of my 20s (new life-decade, new hair, etc.) came when I recently watched the Wong Kar-Wai, or Kar-Wai Wong, or whatevs, film Fallen Angels. And totally coveted the lead actress' hair.


So hot, right? It looks even better when she moves. She also inspired me to get all dolled up & clean my apartment in red fishnets. Seriously, how could she not - this is what she wears to clean up after her hitman cohort:


Cleaning & hosiery & fantastic hair. Does it get any better?

Moving past my own odd proclivities, obviously there is no way I could pull that hairstyle off. Besides, I don't really want long hair again. I like it short, & that's the problem with new hair - I don't want it any shorter than it already is, but I don't want it much longer either. Plus, I want to keep the bangs, because my forehead is ginormous.

Here's the thing. I never thought I would be in this situation, ever. But today I saw a celebrity's hairstyle & I actually thought, I bet that would look really great on me:


It's exactly what I'm looking for - something different, but not radically so. Longer but not long. And, bangs!

I want an opinion, because I am not going to march into Bishops, with their complimentary beer & their waiting area pornography, with a picture of fucking Katie Holmes, & tell them that I want my hair to look like that, unless it's gonna turn out fabulously. So whaddya think - am I smoking crack, or could this be teh awesome? It looks cute in back too:


Also, I did some research, & I'm not going to Bishops, so no tattooed pierced hipsters can mock me for getting Katie Holmes' haircut. I read really great reviews of this place that's right next to my neighborhood watering hole (Side St. Bar 4ever!) called Propaganda the Salon. Having received one haircut from somebody who was not me in the past 15 years, it feels like a waste of money. But I don't think I can do this one at home. And shit, you know, I think I might even get it colored. Look out!

Y'know, for the record, I wouldn't be a boy for all the vanilla beans in the world.

Question: Why Are Red & Green Christmas Colors?

Currently I'm knee-deep in the laborious, time-eating & painstaking process of painting my living room walls an utterly fabulous shade of green (no doubt entirely too much more on that later). It occurred to me that, even though red & green are a pretty terrific color combination, I would never feel comfortable using red for, say, my futon cover. At best I would use red for accent pieces. Maybe a pillow, or a bit in a painting. All because of this Christmas crap.

It seems entirely unfair that the same holiday which stole so much from the pagans should also take away a perfectly valid color scheme. Why? Why green, why red? Why couldn't they have picked yellow? Or beige? I don't like either of those. I know it's not like you can't use green & red in tandem...but who wants to, given the implications? You might as well paint the walls with red & white vertical stripes.

My initial thought was that green = tree & red = blood (from sacrifices during Saturnalia - though it seemed unlikely the Romans would make sacrificial offerings during this celebratory festival, they did get their jollies from watching gladiators prance about slaughtering exotic animals, so...). While forming definitive answers to most anything is of little interest to me, I did come across the following in a brief perusal of Google search results:

1) Green = tree. Red = poinsetta.
2) Stolen from the Africans! In this version, green is the adopted color of Islam & means "everlasting life". Red symbolizes blood shed in defense of the principles of love, truth, peace, freedom & justice.
3) The red represents the blood of Jesus Christ at the time of his crucifixation (I'm not much of a religious scholar, but is this not why we have Good Friday & Easter? Isn't Christmas a celebration of his birth?). The green was stolen from the Africans! Nah, it didn't say that, but it did say "everlasting life".
4) Romans gave each other gifts of green plants during Saturnalia, including holly, which has red berries. The plants were meant to symbolize the continuance of life & the coming of spring.
5) According to a former Wal-Mart employee who was "let go" after writing this email, red & white represent the aminita muscaria mushroom. No mention of green.

So, I have gone from having a vague guess to having some vague ideas, with no notion as to the veracity of anything I read. Oh, internets. You tease with knowledge & statements the truthfulness of which tends to be questionable.

Holly seems to be quite the loaded symbol, though. You've got your thorns & your drops of blood in the leaves & berries. Steal the wreath theme from the Romans & you can make a nice little crown.

Too bad it's for the wrong holiday.