Negate Buyer's Remorse; Or, Suck It Up Like The Wanton Consumer You Are, Bitch

I really, really love Alasdair Gray. He may well be my favorite author. Every time I'm at a bookstore, any bookstore, I make a beeline for "Literature - G". Because you never know what you're going to find. Once I found a copy of a book called Mavis Belfrage, which I'd never even heard of before. I get dizzy trying to keep up with Mr. Gray, so by & large I leave internet scouring to others. Because when I do indulge in minor investigations, I tend to find things like gorgeous signed lithographs that cost $800. Or I remember that there are approximately 8 million titles by him, & I'll never get them all.

Anyway, so I went to Powell's on Hawthorne last night to buy a book - specifically to purchase The Cinema of Todd Haynes: All That Heaven Allows, edited by James Morrison, to keep me sated until the 21 November opening of I'm Not There. And of course, after I found it, I went to "Literature - G". Then I went to the Powell's computer. And they still had it...

...The hardcover first U.S. edition of Lanark: A Life in Four Books. *Sigh*. Look at how beautiful it is:


Of course, it's not the actual first U.S. edition. No, that honor was bestowed upon a trade paperback released in 1981 (the year the novel was first published across the puddle). I don't have time to investigate the vagaries of why it was published in paperback first, & why it was then published in hardcover, so for me it must remain one of life's mysteries. I suspect perhaps the publisher of the first was a larger, more corporate entity than George Braziller, the hardcover publisher.

But by now you must realize that the reason I have gorgeous pictures of this amazing book is because, yes, dear reader, I purchased that 1985 hardcover U.S. first edition. The problem is, I paid so much for it, it makes me a little sick:


Ha! Don't I wish! Sorry, sorry. If I'd been hip to the Gray back when I was seven years old I coulda had it for that price. Things are a little different now:


And yes, I thoroughly wash & dry my hands before touching this book.

So the problem is, that's almost twice as much as I've ever paid for a single book. EVER. And, um, although I wouldn't go so far as to say that I regret the purchase, I am questioning its wisdom. I'm not a book snob by any means, mostly because it's cost-prohibitive & I have other overriding interests. But my adoration of Alasdair Gray is beyond comprehension or reason. And I confess I wanted it. Powell's has had it for quite some time. Every time I went to that computer & looked Gray up, I saw it & I suspected that one day, some day, I would break down & buy it if somebody else hadn't beat me to it. It's absolutely pristine, too.

I don't know. I don't want to return it. But I feel like it wasn't exactly a decision I should have made. The only thing worse than having bought it is thinking about having bought it. I need to suck it up, keep it & DEAL.

Because I love it.

Besides, now I only have one super-expensive book left on my "want" list (for now!): Etienne Bonnot de Condillac's Treatise on the Sensations. It's fabulous, really - a philosophical text exploring the nature of "vision" in which Condillac imagines a statue which is imbued with each of the five senses, one at a time, & concludes that it is the sense of touch which truly allows us to fancy that we perceive a world outside the self. One day I will be able to pay $150 for it.